Saturday, January 01, 2005

Holiday School: The New Years Day Session

Class Is In Session!
As it is New Year's Day, regular Saturday school is in recess, and the building is empty. In an effort to maximize resources and make the fullest use of school facilities, there will be a special session of classes held Today. This particular session of Holiday School is reserved for the most incorrigible students, all of which should be thoroughly chastised for their unacceptable behavior in class.

  1. Saddam Hussein: The former dictator of Iraq has been referred by Faculty Member DeoDuce for receiving an "F" in Public Relations 101. Student Hussein has not yet learned the that killing innocent people and burying them in mass graves is not the preferred method for molding favorable international opinion toward his regime.
  2. Jan Egeland: This minor United Nations functionary parasite receives an "F" in Charm Class 101 for criticizing the generosity of the more developed nations with regards to the amount of aid donated for relief of the recent tsunami disaster in southern Asia. (He receives an "A+" however, in Public Opinion Manipulation 101 due to the fact that his remarks were directly responsible for a massive increase in the amount of aid donated by the Western Democracies.)
  3. Certain Hoteliers in the tsunami-afflicted areas: This entire group of pupils receive an "F" in Humanities 101 for their insistence on continuing "business as usual" for foreign tourists rather than opening their rooms to the thousands of their own fellow countrymen and women that are in desperate need of shelter.
  4. Kofi Annan: The Secretary General Autocrat of the United Nations receives an "F" in Leadership 101 due to the fact that he was truant from class. This is because Annan spent three days vacationing in tony Jackson Hole Wyoming after the tsunami struck. Annan also receives an "F" in Ethics 101 because he then attempted to justify his asinine behavior in press conference held Thursday at the United Nations' Manhattan Headquarters Playground. Because Kofi Annan has earned two "Fs" in this most recent grading period, as well as this being his third appearance in Holiday School, Annan receives the Dunce Cap for this session.

All the aforementioned students are directed to report to school no later then 8:15 AM, on the day indicated, for remedial instruction. Readers are invited to suggest other individuals that need to be enrolled for the next Holiday School session, which will be held Monday, January 17th, on the Martin Luther King Jr. Holiday.

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Happy New Year From The 'Wonks!