Saturday, September 25, 2004

Teresa Watch: Weekly Roundup

Predicts Osama's Capture! Posted by Hello
During this past week, the Kerry Campaign continued its heroic(sometimes futile) efforts to keep Teresa's utterances from reaching the public's ears. Heinz-Kerry was relegated to a speaking tour of minor venues in several western states. Noticeably absent was her husband, Democratic Nominee John Kerry. Somehow, she still managed to garner some attention:
This week's edition of The New Yorker quotes Teresa as referring to her detractors as "Scumbags."

Teresa's youngest son Christopher Heinz gave an interview to Air America Radio's Al Franken. Heinz assured listeners that his mother would make an "outstanding First Lady."

Heinz Kerry helps Democrats raise $1M at Phoenix event and predicts that Osama Bin Laden will be captured in time for the Presidential Election.

An attorney working for the estate of Teresa's first husband, Senator John Heinz III, attended a hearing before a judge in the Heinz family's continuing efforts to keep financial records secret.

Information Wanted:
It remains unknown at this time whether or not Teresa is using her Gulfstream 5 (called "The Flying Squirrel") as her mode of travel. The EdWonk wishes to discover if the Lady That Would Ban Your S.U.V. has parked her aircraft for the Election Season.