Teresa Watch: Weekly Roundup

Predicts Osama's Capture!
During this past week, the Kerry Campaign continued its heroic(sometimes futile) efforts to keep Teresa's utterances from reaching the public's ears. Heinz-Kerry was relegated to a speaking tour of minor venues in several western states. Noticeably absent was her husband, Democratic Nominee John Kerry. Somehow, she still managed to garner some attention:
Monday:
This week's edition of The New Yorker quotes Teresa as referring to her detractors as "Scumbags."

Tuesday:
Teresa's youngest son Christopher Heinz gave an interview to Air America Radio's Al Franken. Heinz assured listeners that his mother would make an "outstanding First Lady."

Wednesday:
Heinz Kerry helps Democrats raise $1M at Phoenix event and predicts that Osama Bin Laden will be captured in time for the Presidential Election.

Thursday:
An attorney working for the estate of Teresa's first husband, Senator John Heinz III, attended a hearing before a judge in the Heinz family's continuing efforts to keep financial records secret.


Information Wanted:
It remains unknown at this time whether or not Teresa is using her Gulfstream 5 (called "The Flying Squirrel") as her mode of travel. The EdWonk wishes to discover if the Lady That Would Ban Your S.U.V. has parked her aircraft for the Election Season.