The Sequence Of Events

Meanwhile, one fine winter afternoon in Andover, Massachusetts:

One:
Maria Needs, age 48, drives to Andover High School one afternoon to pick-up her daughter.

Two:
While at the school, a number of teenagers pelt her car with snowballs.

Three:
One expertly-thrown frozen missile flies through her (slightly) opened drivers-side window and plasters Needs about the face with frozen precipitation. Maria Needs loses her temper.

Four:
Needs pulls her car into the school's parking lot and begins yelling at the little delinquents, who run away, making good their escape. She does not exit the vehicle.

Five:
Needs's parked car is blocking that of a student, (who is not involved in any way) 16-year old Joseph Cataldo who orders Needs to move her car.

Six:
From the driver's seat, Needs brandishes a tire iron at Cataldo.

Seven:
Cataldo approaches the car, leans into the open window, and says "something sarcastic" to Needs. Later, Needs will say that Cataldo was "menacing."

Eight:
Maria Needs sprays Joseph Cataldo in the right eye with pepper spray. Needs then calls the police for assistance.

Nine:
The Andover police arrive, assess the situation, and take Maria Needs into custody.

Ten:
Maria Needs is charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, possession of a dangerous weapon without a license (both for the pepper spray), and assault with a dangerous weapon (the tire iron). Assault and battery with a dangerous weapon is a felony, carrying a minimum of 2 1/2 years in prison.

Apparently, the teenagers have been ambushing autos at the school for some time. There is no word on what, if anything, the school is doing to stop the hijinks. Andover High Principal Peter Anderson refused to comment on the matter.

Mortarboard Tip: Wizbang!
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